[ A half-scene play. The Americans bombed its other half before it was completed ]
Teacher: Why did the Americans come to the region (Iraq)?
Student: To kill my cousin in Fallujah, Sir.
T: Wrong!
S: I don’t know any reason other than this, Sir.
T: That is because you didn’t memorise your lesson. I have repeated it a thousand times that they came to spread democracy and human rights.
S: I beg your pardon, Sir. Obviously, I have not understood the meaning of democracy. Sir, you have always used visual aids to explain things. For example, in a lesson about a gun, you brought a gun, and in a lesson about an onion, you brought an onion. But for democracy, Sir, you didn’t bring anything. That’s why I did not understand it. Are onions better than democracy, Sir?
T: Shut up, you stupid boy. How do you want me to bring democracy and display it to you in the classroom as I do with onions?!
S: Have you, Sir, not said that the Americans have come to spread democracy?
T: Indeed, you stupid boy!
S: So, they must have brought tons of democracy, which they will spread.
T: Tons of democracy? What shall I do with you, you idiot?
S: Sir, I am not to blame since, as you have told me, I have never seen democracy before. I have told you that I have seen many things and democracy might be among them. I have recounted to you all the things I have seen. Among other things, I told you about being emaciated because of lack of medicines, weak due to malnutrition, and victimised by tyranny, in addition to whispering out of fear. You assured me that democracy is not among those things. Therefore, I am excused for I haven’t seen democracy. How can I know something I have never seen?
T: But you seem to have a grudge against democracy. Is someone planting terrorist ideas in your mind?
S: Well, Sir, have you not told us before “if someone is ignorant of something, they hate that thing”?
T: Yes, you crazy pedant.
S: I am ignorant of democracy, Sir. Therefore, I ha…
T: Don’t finish that thought, you fool; otherwise you will affect the other students with your idiocy. You must know that the Americans have come to spread democracy. That’s all you need to know.
S: And they are spreading it now?
T: Of course, you thick-headed lunatic, they are spreading it today…
S: Aha! I knew it! Why have you not said this from the very beginning, Sir?
T: Great… Eventually you learned it?
S: I saw it on telly. They were spreading it by air, using planes. People take it, then ambulances take people and then God takes them.
T: What do you mean, you idiot? Who is your father? [Grabbing his collar] Who’s your father? Is your father Abu Mus’ab al-Zarqawi *, you scumbag?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
* Abu Mus’ab al-Zarqawi is believed to be the mastermind behind the suicide bombings carried out against the Iraqi police and U.S.-led coalition forces in Iraq.
S: What did I say, Sir? Did I make a mistake? You told me they’re spreading it and thanks to God I knew it.
T: That’s not democracy, you pest.
S: Not democracy? So, why are they spreading that if they only came to spread democracy?
T: You are a sack of stupidity; you are getting on my nerves. I told you they are spreading it, but you cannot see it.
S: So, why are they spreading it if I cannot see it? Who are they spreading it for?
T: For the people, you nutter. For the people, [Shouting], for the people!
S: They are spreading it for the people and the people are not seeing it? How weird! So, what’s the benefit, Sir?
T: What should I do with you? Are you trying to make me doubt myself?
S: Sir, I also don’t know the language of democracy.
T: It is in all languages.
S: But the Americans don’t know Arabic. So, how are they going to spread it in our language, which they don’t understand?
T: You mental case! They can spread it in English and we understand it in Arabic.
S: You have added insult to injury, and I no longer understand anything. They speak in English and we understand in Arabic! How do the people understand English when they don’t know it?
T: Well, the most important thing is that there is an elite group among the people who do understand English and they collaborate with the Americans.
S: In that case, they will only spread democracy for the “elate” …
T: The elite, not the “elate”, you smelly onion!
S: If that’s true the people won’t be interested in democracy since it only targets the elite, Sir.
T: Democracy is for all the people.
S: Is it beautiful?
T: Of course, it is beautiful.
S: Does it have blue eyes or black eyes like my mother? As for me, Sir, I don’t like blue eyes.
T: Democracy has no eyes, you stupid boy.
S: Without eyes? So, it is blind! A problem. A blind democracy. Then we will have to lead and help it cross the streets.
T: You fool. Democracy came to bring the people out of the depths of darkness into the light.
S: But it is blind! Democracy itself cannot see light. So, how can it guide us to the light?
T: [Talking to himself] I am about to lose my mind. I am about to explode. Every time I try to make him understand, he blocks the way.
S: And why have not they managed to spread democracy so far, Sir?
T: Because you are not allowing them.
S: Well, we are free. And, as long as we don’t want it, why don’t they leave us alone? They won’t lose anything. We are the ones who will lose.
T: Because they love us, you imbecile.
S: Love us? How bizarre!
T: What’s bizarre about it?
S: They are killing us…
T: That’s because you refused democracy.
S: And what if we don’t change our minds. Will they keep killing us?
T: Of course, until the situation becomes calm and they can spread democracy.
S: What if our refusal continues for twenty years? Will they keep killing us for twenty years?
T: Definitely, because democracy is indispensable like the Sun.
S: Well, in that case none of us will be left after twenty years. So, who will they spread democracy to?
T : To Iraq, you fool. To Iraq. Will Iraq be finished if you’re dead?
S : You mean the “elate”?
T : Certainly, they are the genuine Iraqi people.
S: Now I understand it, Sir. There are two stages for spreading democracy then, not one.
T: What do you mean, you idiot?
S: You should have explained to me with a cool head, Sir, that they have first come to spread those things that they drop on us from planes, so that when we are eliminated, they can spread democracy among the “elate”. Tell me, Sir…
T: Yes, you idiot.
S: If I am going to be killed in the first stage of spreading democracy, why are you asking me to memorise my lessons and be successful? Frankly speaking, I have no future. Therefore, I had better go home and die with my family as none of them is from the elite.
[Talking to himself] Wow! How amazing this American project is! At least, we have completed our study and understanding of democracy and human rights as well as the rest of the lessons for which my own teacher beat my head for not being able to digest them.
Teacher: Why did the Americans come to the region (Iraq)?
Student: To kill my cousin in Fallujah, Sir.
T: Wrong!
S: I don’t know any reason other than this, Sir.
T: That is because you didn’t memorise your lesson. I have repeated it a thousand times that they came to spread democracy and human rights.
S: I beg your pardon, Sir. Obviously, I have not understood the meaning of democracy. Sir, you have always used visual aids to explain things. For example, in a lesson about a gun, you brought a gun, and in a lesson about an onion, you brought an onion. But for democracy, Sir, you didn’t bring anything. That’s why I did not understand it. Are onions better than democracy, Sir?
T: Shut up, you stupid boy. How do you want me to bring democracy and display it to you in the classroom as I do with onions?!
S: Have you, Sir, not said that the Americans have come to spread democracy?
T: Indeed, you stupid boy!
S: So, they must have brought tons of democracy, which they will spread.
T: Tons of democracy? What shall I do with you, you idiot?
S: Sir, I am not to blame since, as you have told me, I have never seen democracy before. I have told you that I have seen many things and democracy might be among them. I have recounted to you all the things I have seen. Among other things, I told you about being emaciated because of lack of medicines, weak due to malnutrition, and victimised by tyranny, in addition to whispering out of fear. You assured me that democracy is not among those things. Therefore, I am excused for I haven’t seen democracy. How can I know something I have never seen?
T: But you seem to have a grudge against democracy. Is someone planting terrorist ideas in your mind?
S: Well, Sir, have you not told us before “if someone is ignorant of something, they hate that thing”?
T: Yes, you crazy pedant.
S: I am ignorant of democracy, Sir. Therefore, I ha…
T: Don’t finish that thought, you fool; otherwise you will affect the other students with your idiocy. You must know that the Americans have come to spread democracy. That’s all you need to know.
S: And they are spreading it now?
T: Of course, you thick-headed lunatic, they are spreading it today…
S: Aha! I knew it! Why have you not said this from the very beginning, Sir?
T: Great… Eventually you learned it?
S: I saw it on telly. They were spreading it by air, using planes. People take it, then ambulances take people and then God takes them.
T: What do you mean, you idiot? Who is your father? [Grabbing his collar] Who’s your father? Is your father Abu Mus’ab al-Zarqawi *, you scumbag?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
* Abu Mus’ab al-Zarqawi is believed to be the mastermind behind the suicide bombings carried out against the Iraqi police and U.S.-led coalition forces in Iraq.
S: What did I say, Sir? Did I make a mistake? You told me they’re spreading it and thanks to God I knew it.
T: That’s not democracy, you pest.
S: Not democracy? So, why are they spreading that if they only came to spread democracy?
T: You are a sack of stupidity; you are getting on my nerves. I told you they are spreading it, but you cannot see it.
S: So, why are they spreading it if I cannot see it? Who are they spreading it for?
T: For the people, you nutter. For the people, [Shouting], for the people!
S: They are spreading it for the people and the people are not seeing it? How weird! So, what’s the benefit, Sir?
T: What should I do with you? Are you trying to make me doubt myself?
S: Sir, I also don’t know the language of democracy.
T: It is in all languages.
S: But the Americans don’t know Arabic. So, how are they going to spread it in our language, which they don’t understand?
T: You mental case! They can spread it in English and we understand it in Arabic.
S: You have added insult to injury, and I no longer understand anything. They speak in English and we understand in Arabic! How do the people understand English when they don’t know it?
T: Well, the most important thing is that there is an elite group among the people who do understand English and they collaborate with the Americans.
S: In that case, they will only spread democracy for the “elate” …
T: The elite, not the “elate”, you smelly onion!
S: If that’s true the people won’t be interested in democracy since it only targets the elite, Sir.
T: Democracy is for all the people.
S: Is it beautiful?
T: Of course, it is beautiful.
S: Does it have blue eyes or black eyes like my mother? As for me, Sir, I don’t like blue eyes.
T: Democracy has no eyes, you stupid boy.
S: Without eyes? So, it is blind! A problem. A blind democracy. Then we will have to lead and help it cross the streets.
T: You fool. Democracy came to bring the people out of the depths of darkness into the light.
S: But it is blind! Democracy itself cannot see light. So, how can it guide us to the light?
T: [Talking to himself] I am about to lose my mind. I am about to explode. Every time I try to make him understand, he blocks the way.
S: And why have not they managed to spread democracy so far, Sir?
T: Because you are not allowing them.
S: Well, we are free. And, as long as we don’t want it, why don’t they leave us alone? They won’t lose anything. We are the ones who will lose.
T: Because they love us, you imbecile.
S: Love us? How bizarre!
T: What’s bizarre about it?
S: They are killing us…
T: That’s because you refused democracy.
S: And what if we don’t change our minds. Will they keep killing us?
T: Of course, until the situation becomes calm and they can spread democracy.
S: What if our refusal continues for twenty years? Will they keep killing us for twenty years?
T: Definitely, because democracy is indispensable like the Sun.
S: Well, in that case none of us will be left after twenty years. So, who will they spread democracy to?
T : To Iraq, you fool. To Iraq. Will Iraq be finished if you’re dead?
S : You mean the “elate”?
T : Certainly, they are the genuine Iraqi people.
S: Now I understand it, Sir. There are two stages for spreading democracy then, not one.
T: What do you mean, you idiot?
S: You should have explained to me with a cool head, Sir, that they have first come to spread those things that they drop on us from planes, so that when we are eliminated, they can spread democracy among the “elate”. Tell me, Sir…
T: Yes, you idiot.
S: If I am going to be killed in the first stage of spreading democracy, why are you asking me to memorise my lessons and be successful? Frankly speaking, I have no future. Therefore, I had better go home and die with my family as none of them is from the elite.
[Talking to himself] Wow! How amazing this American project is! At least, we have completed our study and understanding of democracy and human rights as well as the rest of the lessons for which my own teacher beat my head for not being able to digest them.
A Whiff of Hypocrisy in Fallujan Democracy
Translated by: Yusuf Salah Elhajjar
Translated by: Yusuf Salah Elhajjar
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The End